Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Graphic Tee?

Wolves are popular, especially amongst the 'hipster' crowd, or anyone wishing to be ironic. And it is irony. If any of the girlfriend's jeans-wearing cats in my neighborhood actually saw a wolf they would promptly soil themselves and run as fast as their Chuck Taylors would allow. How do I know this? M.

M.

M is my dog. I know you think your dog is cool, but M is cooler. M is the coolest dog ever. Don't dispute me. M actually has more friends than I do. Half the friends I have only hang out with me because of M. They call up at night to see if he has plans and if he can come out with them. As if he he had any other events scheduled for the evening besides chewing his bone and being cool.

M, as you can see above, resembles a black wolf. He's of considerable size and looks hungry. He likes the hunger. It keeps the fear up. Anyway, we can't get 10 feet out of our front door without someone running away from M. Grown men, children, women with heavy handbags; they all flee to the other side of the street like I'm walking an alligator (and where are the alligator tee-shirts?). This week I saw a woman turn her face to the wall and make the sign of the cross when she saw him. I'm not joking. All of this in the epicenter of ironic, wolf-loving, hipster America. What's a dog like M to do? I mean, given the amount of wolf merchandise, wolf-named bands and self given wolf nicknames (guilty!) that abound, that dog should be mayor of this town. But it's alright. M is happy. He doesn't mind the discrimination. He's simply content to be awesome, chase a squirrel and howl at the passing fire trucks. Truth is, he's a complete sweetheart. With teeth.

So why post about this now? I've had M for over 5 years, surely by now we're used to the irrational fear of the villagers. And that Three Wolf Moon tee-shirt has long been around the internet and written into your favorite tv sitcoms. No, I write this now because there have been new developments on the ironic wildlife front. New evidence being passed around the interwebs suggests that the wolf has combined forces with some of nature's other intimidating species. He put the call of the wild out there and they have rallied to the cause.

Get your tee-shirts printed up.

Scribble down some potential band names.

If you own a van you may want to airbrush this on the side of it.

No one will be safe from this power trio. No one.

Run for your lives.