Need Private Jet

I'm trying to book a flight out to see Cheetah for Valentine's Day week. It's not easy having a transatlantic relationship. Isn't flying a service industry? Remember when they actually tried to serve you? Now we overpay to fly at awkward times for long layovers after having been treated like a suspect just to get on the plane. And while you're on there they won't feed you. You have to pay extra to actually have luggage. Pillows and blankets are verboten. What happened to the girls in mini-skirts and cute hats that would bring you a highball? I was promised girls in mini-skirts and cute hats that would bring me a highball.

I can't gripe too much though. Cheetah's more than worth the hassle. I just wish I had a private jet, with stewardesses in mini-skirts and cute hats that would bring me a highball, or maybe stand on the wing. I mean look at that. They're standing on the wing! I can't even unbuckle my seat belt without getting yelled at.